The Beatitudes, a new translation

The poor in spirit – that’s the good life! The Heavenly Reign is theirs.
Mourners – good on ya! They’ll be comforted.
The meek are bonzer, they’ll get the Land as an inheritance.
Hungry and thirsting for justice? Too beaut. They’ll have all they can eat.
Showing mercy? Sweet as. They’ll be shown mercy in turn.
Those clean in their whole being have got it made, because they will see God.
People willing to step up and step between to broker peace are on the right track, they’ll get called God’s kids.
Hounded for being upright – that’s the good life! The Heavenly Reign is theirs.
You flourish best when people hurl abuse at you, hound you, and speak every kind of evil thing against you, lying through their teeth, and all because of me. Be happy, be glad, because the payoff for this is considerable, in the heavens. Just like this they hounded the prophets that came before you.
Matthew 5.3-12, Seumas Super-Aussie Version.